Colour Me Regretful
The only thing I regret about growing up, despite countless embarrassing stories I could tell you, is never dyeing my hair a pastel colour. It was always blond, yellow, tangerine, fire-engine red, crimson low (like Angela Chase in My So-Called Life), auburn, black or close to white but never pastel. I don’t know what I was thinking.
How Should A Person Be?
Just listened to a podcast where Barbara Bradford Taylor and Sheila Heti were being interviewed. I loved Heti’s book How Should a Person Be?
I loved the mix of fiction and non-fiction that she used in it. She said this about it:
"One thing that I wanted for people reading this book to encounter was I wanted it to feel like an encounter with a person more than an encounter with a narrative. I wanted it to feel like an experience undergone rather than the experience of being told a story."
I think that’s exactly what I liked about it.
Here’s the podcast:
Shyness: Criminally Vulgar?
“I am the son
And the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?”
How Soon Is Now - The Smiths
I had a PTA meeting today to catch up on my two-year-old’s development. First of all I’d like to say how grateful I am to be living in a time and place where the teachers take the time to care for the individual child and constantly note how they are doing. I don’t take this for granted, how could you? A whole hour is dedicated for each parent to know more about how their child’s progress. The teachers are kind, good, people and it kind of makes me want to cry because that always happens when I meet genuine people without agendas or judgement, but that’s irrelevant to the story. Well maybe not. I was a shy kid, and no one would let me forget about it. Parents, teachers, and various authority figures were making a problem out of something that originally wasn’t a problem. I didn’t know how to assert my position in a group nor did I really want to. I honestly didn’t care if we were going to play with lego or paint pictures. Whatever people wanted to do was cool with me. I was in for the experience, the minor details were not of great importance. That was who I was.
Kids were so wrapped up in what they were doing their focus was intense. I recorded them like a camera. Observing their approach to the game we were playing or differences in behavioural patterns. I wasn’t bothered by it. I had fun in my own way. Kids facinated me. People still do. I was always the tallest so I had to sit at the back of the class, that’s how the individually hight-adjusted desks were set up. I loved it. I hated attention. This obviously changed later on. I’m on Twitter now.
Today they told me that my son prefers to play in smaller groups and mostly hangs out by himself. He’s fine with it. They were kind of fine with it, yet it yielded an hour-long discussion. I watched him from a window afterwards. Standing in the middle of the yard, by himself, he was singing and observing everyone around him. He was smiling and knew exactly what was going on. He did “scary-monster-face” to a teacher across the yard. He was happy. Alone.
I guess what hurt when I was a kid was constantly being told not to be so shy, that I was the quiet one. They told me to interact more. Everyone doesn’t have the innate need to be Lady Gaga. If my son wants to be Greta Garbo in a nice flat in NYC ordering food delivery and watching the Oscars on TV, who am I to judge or interfere? I’ll support him and let him dream and be his own person. Shyness doesn’t need to be viewed as a problem unless you have the urge to make it one. Not everyone wants to host the Oscars.
“I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life - and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do.”
- Georgia O’Keeffe
Edward Meadham and Benjamin Kirchhoff for Meadham Kirchhoff Spring/Summer RTW - Collection
I just stumbled over this on tumblr, I know these guys! I’m so proud.
Fiction is the truth inside the lie.
Happy World Book Day! I have more books waiting to be read, in a pile by my bed and scattered around my home, than I can recall off hand. I love books. I’ve loved them since I started reading Stephen King as a child. He was the first authour I couldn’t get enough of. At twelve I read Cujo, Pet Sematary, Salem’s Lot, Carrie and Christine. I was a slow reader, still kind of am, but I got through about five King novels that year. I got lost in the story and saw the film in my head. When the Pet Sematary film came out, which featured the Ramones on the soundtrack it was the best of two worlds combined.
My taste in books have changed somewhat through the years and I gave up on King somewhere in my late teens. I still love him though. He’s a man machine producing all those books! I love to get wrapped up in other worlds, get scared, sad, excited, nervous, and most of all laugh at the black comedy of what it means to be human. King’s On Writing has helped me become a better writer and inspired me to keep going. I write completely different things to King but the aim is the same, for the reader to be completely in the story, turning the pages eager to find out what will happen. Lose yourself, buy a book today!
Love Laura Dern.
"I’ve lived in a world full of not-good-enough mothers. Imperfect, bad mothers. But the mother is a child, too. She is a child. I will stop waiting for you to be the perfect mother. I will be patient with you. I will be tender. I will be the mother I wanted you to be." —Amy Jellicoe
Trying to put some glamour back into my life now that the Oscars are over. Please notify me when they have invented glitter tattoos.
A Perspective of Drama: Sometimes We’re Just Like Leo
Sometimes you need to put your own troubles in perspective. Leonardo DiCaprio didn’t win an Oscar and he wasn’t even in the famous selfie. And Liza, poor Liza, she tried so hard but the camera didn’t see her. We can’t all win all the time. Sometimes we’re just like Leo.
Believe in Your Fucking Self.
I’m re-blogging this from myself because once in a while I need a reminder, and I think we all do. When faced with rejection you need to keep going, work harder, stay positive and trust your gut. “Believe in your fucking self,” as Louise Wilson would say. The note originates from her office door at Saint Martins. Never give up! Let’s do this. It only takes one person to say yes.
Jared Leto is the exact standard by which I plan to age.